incubus

in the graveyard of discordance
nightmares align themselves intuitively
with silent camouflaged warnings
which can be seen only
when the moon is a quarter
in a 3AM sky -
they come out and dance then;
a death knell dance
on his weary back
and he falls to one knee
collapsing from the weight of them
grazing the sharpness
of the dream’s surface
as he wakes spent, bloody

wait, what?

no, you are not imagining things
there was another post
but now it's gone
i left it there
for as long as i needed
i am feeling
not nearly so...acidic
today
and that is a good thing

this time

(not so)
cautiously looking toward tomorrow
realizing finally that
i am not an island
nor do i wish to be
(any longer)

selfish though – want it on my terms
(this time)
not fully cured...yet
still hope for me

even if my heart cracks
and i have to buy stock in kleenex
i won’t have a sour grapefruit face
and i won’t let my heart shrivel
into something pea sized and unrecognizable
because i can’t have it
(this time)

not only am i reaching out for
what i want
i’m not going to be shy
about putting it out there either
where has keeping it to myself
gotten me in the past
i ask you?

so lookout
you may get more
than you’ve bargained for

then again, maybe not

snowblind (with actual snow, that is)

i haven't seen this much snow
in a long long time
it started about noon
and hasn't stopped yet
2 inches every hour or thereabouts
the reality of a foot and a half of
the stuff is more than i care to think about

plows haven't even come around yet
don't know what the hell they're waiting for
neighbors keep shoveling
like that will slow it down

and yesterday when i went to the store
all the milk was sold
(i didn't need any)
as was all the beer
(which i don't drink)
so i bought stuff to make chili
and banana bread
so at least it was warm
in the kitchen

it's all relative

quickly
pour fast drying cement over my eyes
so i can try
to block out our shared features
please
bathe my sullied heart in ether
so that i can go on
pretending
that it doesn’t hurt
as you contaminate my confidence
with your disease
designed to suspend logic
while corrupting the Truth -
my thick, wet screams
can’t penetrate
your blood blistered, rough palms -
to struggle against your solid will
leaves me addled and tattered,
but you pin me (again)
firmly
beneath your onerous weight,
your eyes squeezed tightly shut
with all the exertion it takes
to maintain your masquerade
as Paterfamilias

meh

so i woke up sick today
fuzzy, scratchy throat
glands the size of wyoming
and a sneezy, stuffy nose

but the one good thing is
that i now have THE best
1-900 phone sex voice
EVER!!

ahahaha

my head hurt so much that i fell asleep last night
and hallucinated the following:
high above the ground nowhere around here, i was flying
when i spotted something small and squiggly on the ground
i guess i had pretty good eyesight because the thing i spied was a vole
(not to be confused with a mole, the vole is smaller and blinder)
so anyway, he or she was gesturing to me
with the universal signal to land
(small waving of arms and pointing)
so i obliged and the vole said this to me:
hey stupid, i was talking to the crow behind you
you’re not even a bird
i was insulted and tried giving the vole the finger -
but i noticed that i didn't have any
i woke up checking my hands for fingers

sheesh.

had a late dinner with melissa and her boyfriend mike
at a fondue place called The Melting Pot
we all ate enough for 10 people i think
i must have put on 37 pounds (at least)

cheese first, then main course - meat and seafood
and then CHOCOLATE
with strawberries and bananas
and cheese cake

found a cool used record store too
and YES, i said records - although they
have CD's as well
the 2 owners - aging hippes (of course)
spinning pink floyd and king crimson records
and the sound was just
SO
good

it was cold cold cold
walking around
but it felt good to be
out and about

i am full
and sleepy

sugar the pill

my falling words
have been calculating infinities
in the last remaining light;
while eating bullets of acceptance
with porcelain heart promises

sometimes i still feel the bruises
so i will keep all bad things from you
i still carry you around, you see
so let the tears fall, baby
a thousand kisses deep

nomadic revelry:
a faint moment of good fortune
the moon is in the gutter
as i sway in the thin cool breeze
bloody, but unbowed

broken by the whispers
of your dyslexic heart;
staring down the barrel of limited options
there are (at least) 21 reasons why you
can’t put your arms around a memory

i was buried alive in the blues
up the hill backwards
forever is tomorrow, is today, is now
and the dawn brings only smoke
for the widow of a living man

under the surface

you're gonna make me lonesome when you go
(so i) went to see the gypsy
never gonna be the same again

the triumph of our tired eyes
grief is not quantifiable
her despair reeks of alcohol

(you are a) shadow on the sun
(and) i am the highway
spread your love

something so wild
under the surface
sundazed to the core

satisfy my soul
(with) tones of home
(and your) new york serenade

a big fuck you to...

everyone

don't ask.

quaker license?!

the wedding of my ex went pretty well
but one thing was pretty funky and that
was that no one officiated at the ceremony -
in PA, you can get what's known as a Quaker's license
(for a little extra $) and all you need to do is exchange
vows and wah-la, you're married!
so that was a bit weird
and everyone (not me though) was crying their eyes out
(which i don't understand at all) and then there was
the toast and several speeches and plenty singing
then cake
then i was up outta there

2 hours each way...
the only thing that saved us from falling asleep
(jersey turnpike and penn pike = mind numbingly boring)
was belting out the lyrics to all the beastie boys
songs that we know but only 2 out of the 3 of us can sing
so i'll let you figure out who sucked...

nice weather though
(because we broke the sky
and some higher being is real
pissed at us these days i think)

so...yeah...
happy new year and all that nonsense