Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Kafka's doll story

has anyone ever heard this? he was visiting dora diamont in berlin. they were walking in a park when they came upon this crying girl. kafka asked her what the matter was. she told him that she had lost her doll. he then told her not to worry since the doll was actually away on a trip, not lost. she didn’t believe him so he told her that he had a letter from the doll. when the little girl asked him to show it to her, he said that he had not brought it with him, but if she came back the next day, he would bring it. he came back the next day after spending countless hours working on this letter. and every day for 3 weeks, he brought the girl another one. he spent a lot of time, and put a lot of thought into these letters. finally, he had to come up with a believable ending. (he was leaving germany) he decided to have the doll get married. he wrote about the man she was engaged to, the preparations for the wedding, everything. by this time, the girl was so enamored of the story, that she had quite forgotten that the doll was gone.

i wonder what became of her and if she still has those letters.
she’d be in her 90’s i guess. huh.

Monday, February 20, 2006

here's that book list you all were waiting up for

1) danielle ofri's Singular Intimacies: Becoming a Doctor at Bellevue

2) dennis smith's San Francisco is Burning: The Untold Story of the 1906 Earthquake and Fires

3) paul auster's The Brooklyn Follies

4) méira cook's The Blood Girls

5) willard m. wallace's Soul of a Lion: The Biography of Joshua Chamberlin

6) marjorie shostak's Nisa: The Life and Words of a !Kung Woman

7) martha tod dudman's Augusta, Gone

Sunday, February 19, 2006


i read this article on 'celebrity' dj-ing and these lines just cracked me up:

"I've pretty much stopped DJ'ing regularly because it's gotten to be too much of a cliché," says Zinner. "Not only is everyone in a band, but everyone's a DJ. I'm just a little sick of the whole phenomenon. I would, however, totally throw down 10 bucks to watch DJ Glenn Danzig any day."

and i read this by chance the other day and really liked it:

Windy City

The garments worn in flying dreams
were fashioned there --
overcoats that swooped like kites,
scarves streaming like vapor trails,
gowns ballooning into spinnakers.
In a city like that one might sail
through life led by a runaway hat.
The young scattered in whatever directions
their wild hair pointed, and gusting
into one another, they fell in love.
At night, wind rippled saxophones
that hung like wind chimes
in pawnshop windows, hooting through
each horn so that the streets seemed haunted,
not by nighthawks, but by doves.
Pinwheels whirred from steeples
in place of crosses. At the pinnacles
of public buildings, snagged underclothes --
the only flag -- flapped majestically.
And when it came time to disappear
one simply chose a thoroughfare
devoid of memories, raised a collar,
and turned one's back on the wind.
I remember closing my eyes as I stepped
into a swirl of scuttling leaves.

-Stuart Dybek

and i did this (free) numerology thingie that breaks down your name and the 'true' meaning of it. most of it was off the mark, (not surprisingly) but this bit rather hit home:
Private, reserved, and rather secretive, there are probably very few who truly know and understand your inner thoughts, feelings, hopes, and aspirations. Unless you learn to share your deeper self more freely, and to be less of an idealistic perfectionist, you may be rather lonely.

and this from overheard in ny: vendor guy: Here, take one. Just give it a listen. Listening is the new reading... You don’t even have to use your eyes.

the first weekend in march i'll be going to sarasota (fla) to visit my father. i haven't seen him in many years. i'm nervous, but i'm looking forward to it. i get to drive his camaro back from the airport. woo hoo! my father is 73 and still has a cool car. nice.

i'm procrastinating. i should be doing my taxes, but i know all those numbers will give me a headache and besides, at 10AM is the inside the actors studio repeat with dave chappelle. i heard it was really good. maybe i can get them done in an hour?

Sunday, February 12, 2006

the sound of the other shoe dropping

sounds a lot like a BLIZZARD. i knew we'd pay for all the 55 - 60 degree days we've had this 'winter.' but man there's SO MUCH snow out there. and it's still snowing. my dog has been staring out the window since 7:30, but i'll be god-damned if i'm going out there. the latest report says an average - that's AVERAGE - of 16 to 24 inches when all is said and done.

in other news, i got a very nice birthday package on friday with lots of super stuff in it, including panda licorice bars that apparently are only available in maine. some nice e-mails and phone calls as well. my father called and sang. which is a scary thing since he's completely tone deaf. thankfully, he only sang one line of the birthday song. whew! the day passed and i didn't implode or turn into an old hag or anything, so i'm over the age thing. (for this year)

my book list for the past how-ever-many-days:

1) pedro páramo's Juan Rulfo
2) ted conover's New Jack
3) jehan sadat's A Woman of Egypt
4) bruce robinson's The Peculiar Memories of Thomas Penman
5) dick lehr and gerard o'neill's Black Mass
6) bill bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything
7) elizabeth smart's By Grand Central Station I Sat Down and Wept

someone sent me one of those stupid quiz thingies, so here that is.
1. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single and hardly looking...
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING: russka by edward rutherford, red beans by victor hernandez cruz, and the boy without a flag (tales of the south bronx) by abraham rodriguez jr.
3. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD: it’s a mini oriental rug
4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME: none – i had to play too many games of sorry with my son when he was little so...
5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE: the new yorker and mother jones
6. FAVORITE FEELING IN THE WORLD: what does that even mean?
7. FAVORITE SOUND: definitely laughter and then jeff buckley’s voice
9. FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING: i continually hope that the dog has learned to walk herself
10. FAVORITE COLOR: green – no, brown. both
11. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE: depends on where i am when it rings and who is on the other end.
12. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME: none in the future – been there, done that already
13. FAVORITE FOODS: brown bread, cheese, pineapples, eggs over easy, garlic mashed potatoes and sometimes a greasy cheeseburger is the only thing that will do
14. GOLD OR SILVER?: silver
15. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST?: lord, yes
17. STORMS- COOL OR SCARY: very cool.
18. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?: an audi 5000 turbo. RIP, diva
20. FAVORITE DRINK: thai iced tea, water, banana smoothie
22. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI: sure, don’t you?!
23. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB WHAT WOULD IT BE: a publisher of poetry, a producer of music, and a gallery owner of photography
24. IF YOU COULD COLOR YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR WHAT WOULD IT BE? i always wanted to have auburn hair – i have the (natural) highlights though
26. IS THE GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY?: depends on which side of the bed i happen to wake up on
27. FAVORITE MOVIE: changes weekly – this week: smoke signals and the boondock saints
28. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?: nope. i am THE worst at typing
29. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?: dust bunnies and a sock
31. FAVORITE SPORT: auto racing (yes, it’s a sport!)
32. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH: same as above
33. FAVORITE PLACE IN THE UNITED STATES: new york city and las vegas
35. FAVORITE PERSON TO BE WITH: i like my kids and my dog, other than that i’m feeling a little toxic lately...!
36. FAVORITE QUOTE: ‘every act of creation is first an act of destruction’ - pablo picasso
39. WHO IS IT?: alright, maybe, but i’ll never tell
40. BEST PLACE TO BE KISSED?: is that geographical location or body part?
41. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU! sharon rose is a warm, kind-hearted soul
42. WHO WOULD YOU CALL YOUR CLOSEST FRIEND? no need to name names

Sunday, February 5, 2006

don't play nelly at YOUR wedding...

so, the wedding:

i looked good, and i felt good.

after waaay too many hours shopping for the 'perfect' thing to wear - i was, after all, seeing my ex-husband after 15 years - i found it. 15 minutes before the store closed, and 13 hours before the wedding. so now i have a bazillion things to return at half a dozen stores this week. i have NEVER done that much shopping, and i never will again. way too stressful. anyhow, my son and i walked into the restaurant (the whole thing took place there) like we owned the place. outwardly calm, insides all jello-y. we run smack into the ex. naturally. i can not believe how SMALL he is. never a tall man (always taller than me though) he is now what i can only call petite. his new woman (whom i met and seemed rather nice) turned him into a runner. he runs like 6 or 8 miles a day. every day. i offer him my hand to shake - no free hugs from this girl - he looks at me like hmm, no hug? we exchange pleasantries. he introduces me to lisa, mentioned above. - a little back story about the ex: he's been married, including to me, 4 times. he has 5 children by all of his exes. one of which is the bride - his first child/first ex. not a very good track record. my excuse, and i'm sticking to it: i was only 17, what the hell did i know?! and i was the 2nd ex. not yet the fixed pattern-to-be. so there.
so, i move aside to speak to my ex-inlaws. whom i have always liked. lots of hugs there. very happy to see them all. tami's (one of my ex-sisters-in-law) husband rod and i have known each other since junior high school so it was especially good to see him. he's still tall and gorgeous. she's still short and adorable. perfect.
then the puerto rican contingent arrived - late as usual - making a whole lot of noise - and i began to relax. the alcohol started flowing and tongues started loosening. in these instances, i'm really glad i don't drink because i would never remember half of the funny shit that was said, and lord knows it needs to be remembered. my other ex sister-in-law, rosalie, is the most evil woman - and i mean that in best possible way - damn, i've really missed her. she said some truly hilarious things about her brother, the ex! ok. the food was good, the dj was tolerable, blah blah blah... cut to the ex getting up to read a poem that he had written especially for his daughter on her wedding day. now, i bet you can guess that it was pretty awful, and you'd be right, but mostly it was the act of a truly selfish man. here's why. instead of writng about alicyn and how much her happiness means to him and what he wishes for her in the future - whatever - he writes a totally bullshit 'poem' about how he decided what to name her and why. it was some rambling thing about when he met muhammed ali. (note spelling of daughters name)
i couldn't look at anyone at the table because i thought i'd lose it and start laughing and not be able to stop. that wouldn't have been good. turns out everyone else at the table was looking elsewhere as well. afterwards, he has the nerve, probably some liquid courage involved, to ask me if i liked his poem. i struggled with the thousands of possible answers to the question. straight out no? evade and be vague? well, i couldn't really hear it was too noisy back here? i finally blurted out um, i liked the title? (he called it pretty snapshots) he gave me a look and said well, melissa (his daughter #2) certainly is your daughter. i said hmm, was there ever any doubt? he wandered off. when i was ready to leave, i said good-bye to him and lisa. i went to shake his hand again and he said how about a hug this time - i won't bite you. i said well, how do you know i won't bite you? and shook his hand.
and as i started walking away, he said 'take care of melissa.' i stopped and spun around, walked back and said 'melissa can take care of herself' what i should have said was that i'd been taking care of melissa since she was born, thank you very much mr. sometimes sunday dad. but i have more tact than i thought i had. huh, learn something new every day. even at almost 46. a funny thing, and then i'm done with this topic. at my table was steve the therapist. friend of the family and at times therapist to the family. i met him once before and since he didn't really know anyone that wasn't in the bridal party, i sat with him. he's a super terrific guy. anyhow, he meets bruce, the ex and immediately dislikes him. says some pretty insightful things (he IS a therapist after all) and likens the ex to a slick politician who will (and does) say and do anything and everything to get himself elected. BINGO.
then there was cake and aferwards i was escorted to the dance floor by rod to dance a nice slow dance. lovely. i even allowed photographs to be taken of me. imagine!
my daughter the bridesmaid looked absolutely gorgeous and my son cleaned up rather nicely as well. i let him bail after a few hours - he was bored silly. all in all, a good day. my shoes were new, high and comfortable. what else can be said?

book list forthcoming...