post christmas sum-up

since i have the week off, i've got some free time to catch up on the blogging.
first, i'll post my book list. get that out of the way.

1) Frontera Street by Tanya Maria Barrientos
2) Snowball Earth: The Story of the Great Global Catastrophe That Spawned Life as We Know It (whew!) by Gabrielle Walker
3) Paradiso by Jose Lezama Lima
4) Prison Writings: My Life Is My Sun Dance by Leonard Peltier
5) Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee by Dee Brown
6) Lakota Woman by Mary Crow Dog
7) Comrade Rockstar: The Life and Mystery of Dean Reed, the All-American Boy Who Brought Rock 'N' Roll to the Soviet Union by Reggie Nadelson
8) In the Spirit of Crazy Horse by Peter Matthiessen
9) Lisey's Story by Stephen King
10) Brother Odd by Dean Koontz
11) Thunderstruck by Erik Larson

so christmas was nice - except i got talked into playing (sort of) trivial pursuit - the 90's edition. why people play this game is a mystery to me. either the questions are ridiculously easy or impossible. the food was all good, (i made all of it!) roast pork with an apricot/soy sause glaze, broccoli souffle, roasted potates with honey, gnocchi, and pannetone bread pudding (with rum) for dessert. i only burned myself once. a triumph. good people, a lot of laughter, and a crazy dog. perfect.
melissa enrolled the both of us in a yoga class - she even got me a super terrific new mat to go with it. that's tonight. i hope all goes well there - i'm kind of nervous. not one to exercise amongst the masses, i guess. we gave steven a new chair for his room and haven't seen him since...! even the puppy made out - with bones and toys and a brand new bed. i got the nicest ornaments from christina!

i'm going to florida at the end of the month to see my father.
steven told me that he wants to move to Philly with ray in june, so i'm thinking maybe it's the perfect time for me to go to florida and be with my dad so he won't be alone. there's a lot to do before that.

more later.
have a happy and safe new year, people.

my family has never been close.

my mother died 4 years ago. i took care of her at the end, but
we hadn't talked in nearly 15 years before that. i got to say the things
i needed to, and she did as well. i have no regrets where she's concerned.

my sister i haven't talked to since my mother died and before that,
it had been many years. she is not a good person. we shall leave it at that.

my father and i re-established a (good, it turns out) relationship a few
years ago - maybe 3 now - and it's been a good thing. i even went to visit
him last year. come to find out a few weeks ago that he has cancer. 4 tumors
in 3 different parts of his body. they can't figure out which part is producing
the death cells, so they've started him on chemo (the super killer treatment) in
the hope that the drugs will hunt down & kill the offending cell-maker.
i spoke with him (he lives in florida) last monday after the first session and he sounded OK. hungry even. and the second time i called, he still sounded alright after the 2nd session. well, i called last night and he sounded awful. his voice is different - i can hear the pain behind his assurances. he says his bones hurt and he's freezing all the time. has no energy and is feeling pretty surly all the way around. i tell him i want to come down there. he says no. not now. let's wait until the first round is done he says, and then we'll see where we're at. i try and argue, but that gets me nowhere fast. he's made up his mind. the thing is, i'm afraid (since he's 73 and lives alone) he'll fall or some other thing will happen and no one will be there to help him. he won't budge on it, so i tell him that i'll be calling more frequently and not to try and argue.
i feel so shitty and teary and i can't really talk about it out loud - which is why you poor people get to read all this - if you didn't stop at MY FAMILY. ha.
mostly i'm worried that the chemo won't work and, well, that it won't work.
i feel like i just got him back, know what i mean?

SHIT.