a rock and a hard place

you were coming to see me
riding west, with the sun
in your eyes
most likely smiling, unmindful
of the bugs flying into your mouth at 75mph
(you never liked those full-faced helmets, did you?)
i waited, but you didn’t show
disappointed, i went to bed
when the phone woke me at quarter to 2
johnny was saying something about
an accident
but all i could hear was a loud buzzing
in my ear, so i slammed the phone down
and made myself small under the comforter
the doorbell rang sometime later – i don’t remember when –
time became elastic
and i ran and hid in the closet, knees to chest, trembling
a key turned in the front door
and i burst out of my hiding place
but it was only johnny, saying it wasn’t a dream
later, i had to force myself to say
‘it’s him’
and sign the necessary papers
in triplicate
(no,
no,
NO)
back home,
(is where my heart was)
they drugged me to sleep like a good little sheep
and this is what i saw –

me running, running
it getting closer
looking over my shoulder
it reaches a hand out to grab me,
but luckily it falls off
hitting the sidewalk with a dull meaty thwap –
it’s hot, fetid breath on my neck
i run faster, but i’m winded
(so much for going to the gym 2x a week)
i risk another quick peek
and just then one of it’s eyes pops out
and hits me
right in the back of the head
i’ve stopped now, too busy wheezing to care
and just as i become resigned to my fate,
the melting monstrosity morphs
into the Archangel Gabriel
and beckons me onward, into a cave.
it’s dark at first, but an impeccable light
radiates outward from the Angel -
and that’s when i first notice writing on the rocky walls;
at first i thought it was an ancient story
but after a moment, i realized
it was MY story –
my parents - toasting, fighting, ugly
my children - walking, talking, beautiful
i turn towards Gabriel, but he’s no longer there
you are standing in his place
i thought i would faint, but you reached me first
and said
‘i was on my way to give you this’
then you held me for a long while, shoulders shaking
as you said goodbye

when i woke up there were tears sliding down my back
as well as running down my face
and i was clutching a sparkly, purple painted rock


not a good week - dreams (all bad) and no sleep
i can't even pull the covers over my head and pretend
that i'm invisible anymore...