an ill-advised chapter

hips twitching
to the fine-grained beats
of sand
smacking the bottom
of my plastic hourglass
singing of time wearing thin
these melting masks of 4am meaning

and belonging
is a state of mind that resides
on the left coast
of my once lush hemisphere

where signs of please,
walk on the grass
were prominent and inviting
have now become
coney island run down
and faded
jaded by filler years of abscess
and duress, not success
or love

once millions of colors, now
only 18 bits
and pieces of the collage left over;
when placed on top of one another
make up my very own
flip book –
with a cheesy plot
and no dialogue;
gasoline highs
and
$200 a day habit lows

meandering through ill
advised chapter
(after chapter); falling
for every novel device
ever put to the page
just waiting, waiting
for a brilliant way
to end it all

what remains is?

everybody needs something
from me
and afterwards
there is nothing left
of me

a little after the fact, but SO WHAT

my daughter gave me this wonderful gift...


mama,

as both daughter and friend
(and lucky for that)
this birthday i see you:
glowing at 45;
alive
and sometimes hurting, treading;
sometimes laughing;
smaller in your clothes;
still learning voraciously
and always as the woman i'd
choose
as mother and friend
at 45...57...72...96...

the two-step

a zephyr gaze drifts
creasing a hazy stare
the subway's daybreak frames
depth in perpetual beauty
step - step

fidgeting thoughts sharpen
a solitary breath’s crusade
soul streaking sounds
drench the floor
step - step

word's radiant glare
introduces a thought
i hum a few tunes but the wind's
lullaby is more favorable to mine
step - step

pacing in my mind's perspective
i paint a mural's tear
perfect moments intertwine
so glad to be walking away

with you

step – step

goodies in the mail

i got a (2 day) early
birthday package from
a friend in bar harbor
and in it was lots of
Panda strawberry and raspberry
licorice bars and
the Maine version of Crispix cereal
called Crispy Hexagons
hilarious, right?

AND
the BEST bit?

No Quarter (Unledded)
on DVD

and while presents are good
(REALLY good)
they don't take the sting out of
turning 40 effin 5
even though ERik says
45 is the new 30...

27

melissa's birthday dinner
was a quiet affair

there were presents
and cards
and cheesecake

she is a beautiful girl
(woman)

been thinking a lot about
the past these last few days
the good - and not so good
it all comes back so fresh
like it was last week and not
20 some years ago
we've come so far from those times

and now she's grown and making
her own way
piecing her own mosaic together
and i can stand off to the side
and watch
wide eyed with wonder
that she is the very same
tiny, dark haired, dark eyed girl
who went everywhere with me
and even looked at me
with wide eyed wonder

happy birthday, baby
27 is the ticket