for those of you in the LA area - don't miss

Luis Rodriguez, award-winning poet and best-selling author (Always Running, Music of the Mill), will be the featured performer at the Blue Nile Cafe in Long Beach on December 2.

Luis, also a co-founder of Rock A Mole Productions, will highlight a night of poetry and music presented by the Poets of the Round Table. The Blue Nile is a beautiful two-story venue in the classic New Orleans style. A comfortable place to hang out and the staff will treat you with love and respect. Come on out. It's all ages and it's free!

here's the info:

Blue Nile Cafe
438 Broadway
Long Beach
Friday, December 2, 9 PM
All Ages
Admission: Free

*************************************************************************************
so a week from today is thanksgiving. my favorite holiday. yet this year i am SO horribly unprepared - both mentally and food-wise. i have nothing purchased, no idea aside from turkey, of course, what i'm going to cook. i suppose i'm kind of dreading it because of the dog. that sounds terrible, but she's definitely NOT ready for the chaos of the day. people in and out, FOOD tempting her the whole time. shit, I'M not ready for that either. well, better get cracking on a menu and a shopping list. i'm not even sure how many people will be here.

maybe i'll do take-out?!

books of the week

1) cherokee paul mcdonald's Into the Green
2) magnus mills' The Restraint of Beasts
3) philip caputo's A Rumor of War
4) jose saramago's The Cave
5) nina berberova's The Italics are Mine
6) romeo dallaire's Shake Hands with the Devil

i'm all over the place today

some days you're the dry land and some days you're the island... a football field sized mobile island washes up in a Massachusetts mans backyard

speaking of things moving (when they shouldn't, that is) check this -
icebergs on the move in Antarctica


paris suburbs STILL burning
here's a link to what the residents are saying about it all

don't mess with Texas' death row convicts, that is they just walk right out of prison after killing 2 people back in 1999


so both my employers are (attempting) to quit smoking AT THE SAME TIME. i am seriously thinking about giving my notice. there will be a homicide (or 2) if things get ugly in the workplace. or maybe it's the perfect kick in the ass that i need to make some big changes in my lackluster life. i watched the movie 'WHAT THE #$*! DO WE KNOW?!' last night - not a good thing if you're feeling small and insignificant already - but it was entertaining. all about quantum mechanics and the what ifs...
a few of the 'scientists' were pretty amusing in a kind of eerie way.

time to put my newly stained bookcase together. sigh. hopefully i'll be able to figure it out. it DID come from IKEA after all. these times are pretty much the only times i miss the ex...

a poem by sherman alexie


spontaneous combustion

sometimes when an indian boy loves
a white girl and vice-versa
it’s like waking up
with half the world
on fire. you don’t know
if you should throw water
or let the whole goddamn thing burn.


books read this week:

1) neil gaiman’s Anansi Boys
2) sherman alexie’s Business of Fancydancing
3) octavio paz’s Early Poems: 1935-1955
4) gabriel garcia marquez’s One hundred Years of Solitude (re-read for the 10th time!)
5) khaled hosseini’s The Kite Runner
6) mark haddon’s The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

more Paz

Vida entrevista


Relampagos o peses
en la noche del mar
y parajaros, relampagos
en la noche del bosque.

Los huesos son relampagos
en la noche del cuerpo.
Oh mundo, todo es noche
y la vida es relampago.



Live interval

Lightning or fishes
in the night of the sea
and birds, lightning
into the forest night.

Our bones are lightning
in the night of the flesh.
Oh world, all is night,
life is the lightning.


big, big sigh...

sonja needs...

straight from rich's blog:

and if you didn't LOOk at rich's blog, which you really should, just google your name, and add 'needs' after it.
i assure you that hilarity will ensue.

this is an update of the Sonja Needs thingie because i found really funny stuff this time - someone looked at this page the other day, so i checked.

Sonja needs both bread and roses. interesting..
Sonja needs to be nerfed big time. too true.
Sonja needs an angry expression. hmm, give me a minute...
Sonja needs snacks throughout the day. and that's how to gain 5 pounds on your vacation... sigh.


Sonja needs to find a new home - ain't that the truth!

Sonja needs to have a marriage license from County Clark which costs $55 - that's kinda scary. where IS Clark County, anyway?

Sonja needs a family that can give her a lot of time & love - my family's good like that, but i guess you can always have MORE love...

Sounds to me like Sonja needs a psychiatrist - well, that's just... well... alright, maybe a teeny bit true?!

Sonja needs a caretaker - DAMN, i'm not that old

Sonja needs to focus more - well, maybe that's... ooh... ice cream!!



i just watched Born Into Brothels: Calcutta's Red Light Kids and i was blown away by it. this woman goes to india to photograph the red light district and falls in love with the children of the prostitutes. she gives them cameras and teaches them all about photography and sends them out to take pictures of their lives. she tries, in vain mostly, to get these kids into good schools so that the girls won't have to follow their mothers into 'the line'
rent it and watch it. the kids came out with some of the finest photos i've seen.


Alzheimer's and Picasso - a great article.

books of the week

a heavy week of non-fiction

1) susan o'neill's Don't Mean Nothing: Short Stories of Vietnam
2) edward rivera's Family Installments
3) virgil suarez's Spared Angola
4) editors tara herivel and paul wright's Prison Nation: The Warehousing of America's Poor
5) james ebert's A Life in a Year : The American Infantryman in Vietnam
6) keith david hamm's Scarred for Life: Eleven Stories About Skateboarders

next i think some poetry. i just got Song of the Simple Truth : The Complete Poems of Julia de Burgos so that'll keep me happy.

say so long, harriet
here's the spin: "Harriet Miers' decision demonstrates her deep respect for this essential aspect of the constitutional separation of powers - and confirms my deep respect and admiration for her," Mr Bush said. but it's a TKO for bush and his (in) ability to get anything done in his second term - and he thought it was gonna be easy!

will there FINALLY be justice in the Plame case?

here's an update of the possible migration (no pun intended - well, maybe a little) of the bird flu


truth IS stranger than fiction y'all well, she did pick a helluva time of the year to hang herself...


i'm back reading books on Vietnam - every so often i read all i can about that time -it fascinates me. one of my favorite jobs was working at Montrose VA hospital with all the vets.
that and civil war books - i can't get enough of those books. not the fictional accounts though - only non-fiction ones. thank god for library cards.
oh, and Ozomatli? still listening AND watching that DVD

that's it for now - have a good weekend all...

part 2

you know how people think that by going to places like Costco that they save money by buying in bulk? i think that's bullshit. i just spent 100 bucks and all i needed was paper towels and tin foil. huh.



En la vida hay dos cosas ciertas,
Son la muerte y el cambio

still can't stop listening to ozomatli y'all...

burt bacharach and dr. dre?

now you KNOW shit's serious...! check this -


A new album titled "At This Time" arrives in stores on the first of the month with some intriguing attributes. Hip-hop beats crafted by Dr. Dre on three tracks. Politically charged lyrics, among them a bruising attack on the Bush administration. And the record label that's releasing the CD stepped in to ask the artist to tone down the raw language.
Most intriguing is that artist is none other than 77-year-old Burt Bacharach, a songwriter best known for his polished love songs and elegant orchestrations. Some of his tennis partners are going to be a bit rattled by all of this.
"I know, I know, all of this is going to surprise some people," Bacharach said in a wispy voice in a phone call from New York, far from his usual Pacific Palisades turf. "I wanted to take some chances. There are things I needed to say."
It's a good fit for him right now, being in a city of rain and hard edges.
"There was no fear here," he said. "I feel I have a new kind of freedom in making an album like this. In a pop song you're always a bit restrained. Where are you going to go in a three- or four-minute song that is intended for radio? There are limits. Here I went where I wanted to go."
Where he wanted to go required some seven-minute mini-operas, a 35-piece orchestra, three hip-hop producers, Elvis Costello, Rufus Wainwright, jazzman Chris Botti and, for the first time in Bacharach's long and illustrious career of melody-making, lyrics he wrote himself.
The result is an album of high polish — everything Bacharach does with brass and piano is as decorative and shiny as brass buttons on a country-club sports coat — and gives him an adventurous auteur role here that makes him seem like Moby fashioning an album for a light-jazz radio station.
Bacharach is one of the most famous composers in the world and in his sixth decade in the business. He has won six Grammys and three Oscars. He's collaborated on 48 Top 10 hits but along the way wrote the lyrics to exactly zero of them. Old partner Hal David was the word man on "Walk on By," "The Look of Love," "(They Long to Be) Close to You" and most of the other signature works in the Bacharach songbook.
"Through the years did I contribute a line here or there or a title to a song? Yes. But this is a whole new thing for me." There's a revelation in his writing, too: Who knew the cheerful-looking fellow behind the piano was so angry? Take the most indignant track, "Who Are These People?"
This stupid mess we're in just keeps getting worse

So many people dying needlessly

Looks like the liars may inherit the earth

Even pretending to pray and getting away with it.

Not exactly "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head." The songwriter says politics have never really been part of his personal composition.

"Vietnam, I'm sure terrible things happened, I know terrible things happened, but you know … some years I didn't vote and politics, that just wasn't my thing," Bacharach said.

When he and David did look to geopolitical headlines for inspiration, the result wasn't exactly high-definition rhetoric. In the gorgeous 1967 hit "Say a Little Prayer," it turns out that it was a distant solider boy who Dionne Warwick was fretting about during her daily routine. The singer said years later that "we were sending a message to our kids in Vietnam." Who knew? It's safe to say that for most pop fans, that message remained safely encrypted.
Not so with the new CD. Asked about the unveiled references, Bacharach's voice began to vibrate with emotion as he indexed his frustrations with the Bush administration.
"The world I see right now is so upsetting that I feel I have to say what I feel," Bacharach said. "At my age, and at this time, things are getting worse by the minute, worse by the day. And this album is that."
The album opens with "Please Explain," which is hung on the ominous chest-thump and orchestral weave of a Dre-fashioned drum-and-bass loop. The slow build leads to Bacharach's vocals, which have always been limited as an instrument and — again, like a Moby album — are often half-hidden behind orchestral corners. ("I'm very self-conscious about my vocals," a sheepish Bacharach conceded.)
The first lyrics on the album make it clear that Bacharach is worried these days that love, sweet love, may not be enough for the world anymore.

There was a song I remember

said "What the World Needs Now … "

Where is the love

Where did it go

Who broke our hearts

'cause we need to know.

Trumpet player and composer Botti met Bacharach on two separate occasions that were a year apart before the song "Dreams" coalesced as a complete work.
The young musician said that Bacharach's talent is to set aside pop convention and somehow create music that attains a near-universal appeal.
"What he does harmonically and rhythmically is so complex and rare because it seems so simple and natural on the surface," Botti said. "Dig deeper and look at what he's doing and you'll see why musicians — from jazz backgrounds or pop or classical or hip-hop or whatever — all respect him."
Botti said the famously mellow Bacharach is a "wonderful collaborator — you can't write all those lovely songs and not be a nice guy, right?"
Maybe so, but Bacharach nearly shed some of his warm and fuzzy persona. This album came mighty close to arriving in stores with a parental advisory sticker.
"Who Are These People?" features Costello, in his best pinched-rage voice, decrying liars and leaders who "can't admit when they're wrong." It ends with Costello singing: "See things really have to change/ Before it's too late."
But in the studio the song had a different ending involving a certain f-word. Bacharach was persuaded by label executives to put a less spiky ending on a lushly orchestrated track.
"But I loved the way it sounded."
The songwriter repeated the original line a few times, savoring the phonetic charge of the bomb he almost set off.
"We should have left it in," he said. "That line says it all.
"That's where we are. I'm being honest."
He says now he expects to release the R-rated version as a single or download or import. "I want people to hear it."

By Geoff Boucher, LA Times Staff Writer 10/22/05

friday night blues

so i don't usually bring work up here, but today was a shit-ass day which has only reaffirmed my deep dislike of some people - well, alright, most people. i don't think that there exists a more self-centered, self-involved human alive than my employer. the lengths she will go to make herself look good to anyone astounds me. she finds a way to make EVERYthing about her, no matter what it is. you all thought Katrina was a hurricane that affected folks in new orleans, right? nope. it totally was about her when she couldn't cancel a credit card because the computers were down in NEW ORLEANS!! and she threw a fit - i almost fell over dead. and since i am NOT prone to exaggeration, you know it's the truth. thank god it's friday and i don't have to be anywhere near her until monday, which if you ask me is too damn soon. the good part of the story is that steven is visiting his friends at binghamton and i am alone (sorta - there is the dog) until sunday night.

there, i feel better. have a good weekend, i know i will.

insomnia has its advantages...

books i've read this past week:

1) clive barker's Abarat: Days of Magic, Nights of War
2) jasper fforde's (yes, there are 2 f's) the big over easy
3) charles cross's biography of kurt cobain called Heavier than Heaven
4) simon winchester's Krakatoa
5) jack finney's Time and Again
6) anna funder's Stasiland: True Stories from Behind the Berlin Wall
and
7) jose torres' We Took the Streets: Fighting for Latino Rights with the Young Lords

and i recently bought the live (at the Fillmore in san francisco) Ozomatli, AND it comes with a DVD that i just can NOT stop watching. those guys are on fire! i have a huuuuge crush on the trumpet player...no, wait the trombone player...no wait the - oh hell, on ALL of them!
get it. watch it. you won't regret it.

magic on the lake

a dog & turtle show

so my (so-called) fearless, terrifying pitbull puppy is afraid of the rain. yup. the. rain. she refuses to go out in it. which would be funny if it didn't mean that she's holding in all her bodily functions until it stops. and, my friends, it doesn't look like it's EVER going to stop. the first time i tried to take her out she jumped up on me to get under my umbrella. stupid, she's not - just a bit ridiculous.

one of my turtles died. i'm not exactly sure of what, but i knew he wasn't feeling great when i took him out with the other two to feed and he didn't try and eat me. then he didn't eat anything which is no good. i was going to take him out alone to feed him the next day, but i didn't have the chance. he went that quickly. i was pretty surprised at how sad i was - that may sound heartless, i know, but turtles aren't the most cuddly of pets (like my petrified pooch) so, the tears kinda took me by surprise.

this constant rain is depressing me. i don't mind the cooler temperature, but the raw-ness of the past few days is starting to get to me. and i need a new winter coat - hell, i need new winter clothes, winter shoes - you name it, i need it. and i HATE HATE HATE shopping. yes, that's right. female. hates shopping.

the day before halloween is my dad's 72nd birthday. we used to call it gate night. i don't know what everyone else calls it though i've heard different names. well, that's pretty old, isn't it? 72? he lives in florida (where all jews go to die apparently) although not in boca. he's on the gulf side in sarasota. right down the street from pee wee herman's parents house. for real. he drives a camaro - (my dad, not pee wee, or his parents) the fast one too. he's kind of nuts, i guess. still calls me kid. i like that.

well, the dog wants to play so this is where i'll stop for now.

vacation's over so i'm catching up a bit...

ok, so there are a few things that need to be discussed. i was watching the news (i know, mistake) and the michael brown hearing was being shown. first off, he's an idiot - that should come as no surprise, i know. second, i was watching as he placed the blame for his organization's failure on everyone else. but when i saw the congressmen (and i think there was a woman too) rip him a new asshole, i said wait a second - he was DEFINITELY not qualified for the job, but WHO appointed him? remember, he was HAND-PICKED for this post by you know who. so ultimately, the failure - both of them - the (lack of) response to Katrina AND 'brownie's' sits squarely on dubya's weak frame, but there was no mention of that bit of truth. all they were interested in was a handy scapegoat. well, congratulations congresspeople -satisfied that you could spill all your pent-up rage at some insignificant patsy. well met. assholes, all of 'em.

"But I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could, if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down," said former education secretary william bennett - mr book of virtues, indeed.

and then there's this to scare the shit out of you - just look at the estimated number of potential deaths from this new potential disaster...

just some stuff

cindy sheehan arrested - for failing to heed warnings to 'move along' at protest at the white house today. i bet george is tickled to death about that...


a lowfat AND vegan diet spurs weight loss?? - you're kidding, right? eating veggies, fruits, grains, and beans helped people lose weight - hmm...a real surprise there! whatever trips your trigger, i guess...


here's a picture of my daughter melissa and her boyfriends dog, dart

rain rain go away...

so i'd just gotten out of the pool when the loudest crack of thunder EVER made me jump, and i almost landed back in the pool. then not a nano second later, a torrent of rain poured out of the not even grey sky so i hot-footed it back to the house. 7 -no really 6 because of the rain - days of swimming and sun. a lovely vacation to be sure. first time in many years i've had more than a few days off in a row...

i've read 5 books (so far) and gotten a tan. also, many, many freckles - so many that they look like like one big one (sort of)

these are the books i've read:

1) A Storm of Swords (the third in the series of A Song of Ice & Fire)
2) The Massacre at El Mozote (a non-fiction account of the massacre in El Salvador in 1982)
3) The Nature of Water and Air (very good fiction)
4) A Rumor of War (non-fiction memoir by Philip Caputo on his time in Vietnam)
5) Witch Hunt (good intrigue/thriller by one of my favorites - Ian Rankin)

more later...

a few things of interest

11 children are found in cages in foster parents house how is it that no charges have been filed as yet? the ages of the children range form 1 to 14 - one has autism. all left to sleep in these cages that are 40 x 40.

this from davey d about the cops shutting down a benefit concert for hurrican katrina with krs 1, and dead prez in L.A.

i will get around to writing a thing on the Indian Larry memorial, but since i started my vacation, i've not been anxious to sit in front of the computer for too long. so this is all for now.

swimming and reading and relaxing are on my agenda for the rest of the week...

jon stewart said this...

about the administration's response (if you want to call it that) to Katrina:


"This is inarguably a failure of leadership from the top of the federal government. Remember when Bill Clinton went out with Monica Lewinsky. That was inarguably a failure of judgment at the top. Democrats had to come out and risk losing credibility if they did not condemn Bill Clinton for his behavior. I believe Republicans are in the same position right now. And I will say this: Hurricane Katrina is George Bush's Monica Lewinsky. The only difference is that tens of thousands of people weren't stranded in Monica Lewinsky's vagina."

and this little exchange as well:

"While everybody else is busy setting up commissions and finding fault, through the president's leadership he'll end up building a billion dollar dam in Arkansas." --"Daily Show" correspondent Ed Helms
"Why would he build a dam in Arkansas?" --Jon Stewart
"His plan will be to fight the water there so we don't have to fight it here." --Ed Helms


also in the news: Ukraine's Yushchenko fires government
oy vey. things are getting weird again in the homeland...!


PLUS - don't forget about the memorial for Indian Larry this saturday in Brooklyn. see post below for details.

saturday starts my 2 weeks off. and this is where i'll be.

so those of you in the know, know that my car (my baby, my FAVORITE) gave up the ghost a while back. this past saturday, i got a new (for me, anyway) one. this one shall NOT have a name and most definitely shall NOT take up residence in my heart. i know people think it's weird to say that you can love an inanimate object such as a vehicle, but i did. for sure. my audi and my harley. both gone. and to think of all the dollars i've spent trying to win the lottery so i could have them rebuilt and pristine again. oh well. this one will do. for now...

i heart t. rex

last night i watched the T. Rex movie called 'Born to Boogie'
which was directed (and produced) by Ringo Starr. it was filmed in 1972 with Tony Visconti producing and mixing the all the music. Marc Bolan's son, (everybody groan)
Rolan Bolan (it WAS the 70's!) presented the the documentary (rockumentary?!) part of it. well, the concert, which took place at Wembley Stadium, was sold out - 20,000 seats - was SO good. Mickey Finn on bongos (man, he was extraordinarily handsome!) Steve Currie on bass, and Bill Legend on drums. i've always loved their sound, but i had forgotten how good a band they actually were. great rhythm section. and Marc's stage presence was electric. definitely born to be a rock star, that one. and marc sang one of my favorite songs - 'Spaceball Ricochet' - using only his acoustic guitar.
best few hours i've spent in awhile...

mickey finn (on the left)

some old photos

the first picture is of me and steve when he was about 6 months old. never too early to learn about motorcycles. i'd forgotten how big he was - 10 lbs when he was born!

the second one is me and melissa on a trip to Harriman State Park. she was around 2 and a half here. i think that my mother was actually with us as well. hmm.
and yes, that is me with bottle blonde hair. mal used to tell me that he loved the color but was confused as to why i would dye my roots brown! HI-larious as always.

11:46 pm and it's STILL 86 damn degrees

fuck a dry heat

*please read disclaimer*

this is going to be a personal post, so if they tend to make you squeamish, stop reading right...NOW

i got a phone call from an old friend early this morning telling me that our mutual friend, brendan, had (another) 'psychotic break' last night, and ended up in Bellevue. not unlike last time (when we were on the street and he started seeing killer spiders) he was hallucinating again. he was alone when it happened and that got him beaten up as well as put away for a 72 hour involuntary committment. eduardo wanted to know if i would come to see brendan, but i said no. i tried to explain to him that i had set some boundaries with brendan that i had to maintain. this has been going on for years now, and i can't let his situation drag me down to those ugly places again. i made it clear that he couldn't be a part of my life if he continued to choose drugs and booze and lying and stealing over friendship and honesty. he said some not so nice things that day that i tried to put into perspective - you know, take it from the source - stuff like that, but it's awfully difficult to do when you have given so much and been treated badly in return. not once or twice either - dozens of times at this point. i then got a call from the attending - brendan gave MY number as his next of kin contact - and HE asked whether or not i would come. by this time it was 5:30AM and i had to be at work at 7. i explained to the doc that we were not, in fact, family, and i went through my (by now) hollow-sounding 'boundaries' spiel again. he seemed to understand, and after reassuring me that brendan was in relatively no physical danger, and after giving him my cell # in case things changed, i hung up. not for nothing, but with this whole insomnia thing - i tend to fall asleep around 4 or 5AM, so you guessed it - no sleep for your girl at all.
plus the dog is driving me crazy in all her puppiness (yes, dammit, that's a word!)
it seems i have no space for myself either in, or out, of my head - which is pounding like a small army of ice-pick wielding maniacs are trying to break out of it and take over the world. i don't even know what i'm saying anymore. the dog's in her crate and i have barricaded myself in my office to purge all of these thoughts and feelings before they make my head explode. perhaps that was a tad dramatic. if anyone is still reading this - i apologise.
there's tomorrow - another evil work day, and thursday, but i have off on friday. something to look forward to, i guess. whelp, i'm bone-weary and typed out so

goodnight, everybody

1 year memorial for Indian Larry

2nd Annual Indian Larry Grease Monkey Block Party
Saturday, September 10th
151 North 14th st
Brooklyn, N.Y.

just when you think time couldn't possibly move any slower,
a year goes by and sort of just slaps you in the face. hard.


i'm hot and sticky. my vacation can not come soon enough.

oh, and good luck to the louderARTS team who are on the way
to Albuquerque for the NPS 2005

random articles of interest

McDonald's looking to update their uniforms - those interested in the make-over include Russell Simmons, P Diddy, and Tommy Hilfiger. go figure.

Grant Morrison's new comic book series Manhattan Guardian, uses (in some cases) historic architectural plans never constructed. including a hotel that Antonio Gaudi designed a hundred years ago AND a building designed by the Austrian architect Hans Hollein whose facade resembled the grill of a Rolls Royce. he proposed it be built for the new headquarters for Chase Manhattan Bank in the 1950's. Mr. Morrison created
'The Manhattan Guardian', a tabloid that employs Jake Jordan, a veteran of the New York Police Department, to protect New York from nefarious characters.

a great interview with Jim Jarmusch. he's got a new movie out called 'Broken Flowers' starring Bill Murray. it took the Grand Prix award (the runner-up, for which Jarmusch was very much relieved) at Canne. it looks to be his most universally accessible film to date. looking forward to it.

alone at last!

i will be blissfully, ecstatically, splendidly and undeniably
ALONE this weekend - except for the dog, of course
no continuous parade of 20 somethings saying 'hey mom'
i am not EVERYbody's damn mother!
steven and the horde are going to maine until tuesday.
WOO freakin' HOO!

and the clock starts... NOW!!

a free few moments

not much to say - petra is coming along quite nicely, although my free time (ha) is severely restricted since she doesn't really know how to maintain on her own yet. she needs someone to play with and i can honestly say i'm EXHAUSTED.

i do need to mention last night at bar 13, though. first off, tony brown was simply amazing to listen to. quite a presence - i enjoyed him immensely. now to this thing that needs mentioning. the 1st annual (will they dare repeat it?!) sock puppet slam. yes, you heard correctly. sock. puppet. slam. marty (and betty!) took home first place and proved to one and all that not only is she a good poet, but she also has a grand sense of humor. but rich, reading a piece that roger wrote, was seriously hysterical. my cheeks STILL hurt from laughing so damn hard. oh, and the AC - meat locker cold! yay for that.

i'm out - petra wants to play...

been busy with my new

got her saturday. her name's Petra (greek-it means rock)
a rescue of sorts, she's a sweetheart, although at 8 months she's got a long way to go in the smarts department. her head is HUGE! melissa and mike brought over their pit - dart - and they had a grand old time together. the training may just wear me the hell out though... i'm tired!

steven & melissa (lake george, june 2005)

i've added this picture of my children - well, not so much CHILDren, but you know what i mean - you can look at all my pictures by clicking on the flickr thingie on the right under the archives section (or any of the pictures underneath it for that matter)
or not - whatever...

oh, also, i keep having the biker build-off dream (and i keep winning!) so i'm thinking that maybe i should look up some old friends and get something started...!

no news is...(much) better

P Diddy (un)written memoir law suit settled Sean P Puffy Daddy Combs (whatever he wants to call himself) settled a suit that Random House brought against him for keeping a $300,000 advance for a memoir he never got around to writing. terms were not disclosed, but since there will be no forthcoming book, i'm guessing he gave back the bucks...

CNOOC-ered - Bush security adviser helped firm land lobbying gig for Chinese oil company what a tangled web we weave - well, mostly those that practice shady dealings and think they're immune to detection. the whole bush administration seems to be falling apart from the inside out - hopefully the (wrong) half of the american population will finally wake the fuck up from their rip van winkle like slumber and get a grip on reality 2005.

when i'm 64... i'll give up my (day & night) job as a prostitute in berlin and retire...

White House silence on Rove broken as Bush continues to express confidence in Rove and i quote 'despite his involvement in a scandal over the leak of the identity of a CIA operative.' man, if this shit happened in my job (or anyone else's for christ's sake) i'd have been long gone. what will it take already??!

ok, too angry to continue right now
arrrrrggghhhh

one good dream...

i dreamt i not only participated in, but WON, the Biker Build-Off championship!
with a rootbeer colored sportster from the early seventies (the best years,IMO)
i was welding and painting and fabricating my ass off! paul cox made me a beautiful
leather seat and i used the kicker pedal from my friend steve's bike that i took
from it before it was put away for good. how could i NOT win!?

it was the first good dream i've had in i don't know how long.
and aside from the painting, i could maybe do it!

later.



oh, and tonight at 13, i heard a fantastic poet by the name of ragan fox.
he killed it!

here and there

it's the last day of june and i'm looking forward to a 3 day weekend. i'm debating whether or not i should bother with the fireworks this year.
my neighbor's dog has a brain tumor and i keep getting these headaches...probably unrelated, but the hypochondriac in me is concerned.
if i hear pink floyd on the radio again i'm going to lose my mind!
a little back story - everytime i turn on the radio (for the last 4 months) a floyd song is playing. i don't like them. i guess (and i'm dating myself here, but so what) it's because i've heard the same songs for 25 mother-effin' years! yeah, you can try & do the math but your head may explode. i know mine would. anyway, i even went so far as to BUY dark side of the moon just to see if it would stop. nope. maybe THAT'S what's causing all my headaches. hmmm... anyhow, enjoy yourselves over the weekend and remember to bar-b-que something. here's some stuff i found noodling around:

the latest edition to the National Museum of the American Indian is not a ceremonial mask or even a kachina doll, but Felipe Rose’s gold record from 1978 – Y.M.C.A.
by yes, the village people. Rose, the son of a member of the Lakota-Sioux tribe,
was, of course, the Indian in the group. He donated the award to the museum on his 51st birthday.


have you heard about this scam? apparently a gazillion people showed up at an apartment that they thought they’d sublet only to find out that someone already sublet the place! 18 people actually, and they all gave “Rita”, the subletting scammer, over $2,800. EACH. damn.


check the schedule – i bet you’ll find someone you’d like to hear... i’d like to see Vienna Teng – she’s got a killer voice – and Stefon Harris & Blackout he plays the vibraphone like nobody’s business... all at Madison Square Park – free and outside – rain or shine.


KKK tries a recruitment drive in...Massachusetts?! some local residents of Somerset and Dighton woke up to find slipped into their morning paper a flyer proclaiming: “Good News! The Knights of the Ku Klux Klan is organizing in Massachusetts!”


if you live in (or near) Marietta, Georgia, you should check the Marietta/Cobb Art Museum for a terrific exhibition called Wind Blown: American Motorcycle Fine Art. it features Billy Lane (my favorite builder) and the late Indian Larry’s bike in addition to paintings and photos of all kinds. wish i could go, but Georgia? too damn far.

this had me almost choking on my raspberry snapple
gangsta gadgets they're called and you've gotta see 'em to believe...!
check out the 'Ba-Donka-Donk Mouse'

a rock and a hard place

you were coming to see me
riding west, with the sun
in your eyes
most likely smiling, unmindful
of the bugs flying into your mouth at 75mph
(you never liked those full-faced helmets, did you?)
i waited, but you didn’t show
disappointed, i went to bed
when the phone woke me at quarter to 2
johnny was saying something about
an accident
but all i could hear was a loud buzzing
in my ear, so i slammed the phone down
and made myself small under the comforter
the doorbell rang sometime later – i don’t remember when –
time became elastic
and i ran and hid in the closet, knees to chest, trembling
a key turned in the front door
and i burst out of my hiding place
but it was only johnny, saying it wasn’t a dream
later, i had to force myself to say
‘it’s him’
and sign the necessary papers
in triplicate
(no,
no,
NO)
back home,
(is where my heart was)
they drugged me to sleep like a good little sheep
and this is what i saw –

me running, running
it getting closer
looking over my shoulder
it reaches a hand out to grab me,
but luckily it falls off
hitting the sidewalk with a dull meaty thwap –
it’s hot, fetid breath on my neck
i run faster, but i’m winded
(so much for going to the gym 2x a week)
i risk another quick peek
and just then one of it’s eyes pops out
and hits me
right in the back of the head
i’ve stopped now, too busy wheezing to care
and just as i become resigned to my fate,
the melting monstrosity morphs
into the Archangel Gabriel
and beckons me onward, into a cave.
it’s dark at first, but an impeccable light
radiates outward from the Angel -
and that’s when i first notice writing on the rocky walls;
at first i thought it was an ancient story
but after a moment, i realized
it was MY story –
my parents - toasting, fighting, ugly
my children - walking, talking, beautiful
i turn towards Gabriel, but he’s no longer there
you are standing in his place
i thought i would faint, but you reached me first
and said
‘i was on my way to give you this’
then you held me for a long while, shoulders shaking
as you said goodbye

when i woke up there were tears sliding down my back
as well as running down my face
and i was clutching a sparkly, purple painted rock


not a good week - dreams (all bad) and no sleep
i can't even pull the covers over my head and pretend
that i'm invisible anymore...

oh, also some news

starting off with a very convenient reason for me never to get another cat - my son wants one pretty badly and i DO NOT. there's this bit of information making its way around BBC online. seems that a certain parasite that domestic cats carry, and can can transmit to their owners, toxoplasma gondii, can alter one's personality over time. read the whole article here

Purple Haze, Acapulco Gold and Rasta. yep we know what these are, but i bet you didn't know that they're also candy lolliops that are on the market right now. its detractors call it "dope candy" because it's made with hemp oil, and they're trying to get this legal product off the market.

my take on Batman Begins

with my expectations on the non-existent side, i went and saw Batman Begins.
let me just say first off that i’m a huuuge batman fan – of the comics, anyway.
the preceding movies, while vaguely entertaining, did nothing to satisfy my desire
for a true to (written) character batman. dark, brooding, emotionally conflicted –
all of those things, yes, but without being campy or over the top about it. written like he is in Dark Knight, or Year One. so i’ve always been disappointed with the efforts of the ones that came before. even tim burton’s version. so when i heard about this one, i was admittedly, skeptical. and then i found out that one of my LEAST favorite actors, Christian Bale, was to play the lead – i was undeniably under whelmed. Michael Caine, Liam Neeson – both good - Katie Holmes i didn’t even know until Tom Cruise jumped off of Oprah’s couch declaring his love for her and it made the news – (having never seen one complete oprah hour) christopher nolan sounded OK to me – i liked both Memento and Insomnia, so alright there.

the theater was packed, the energy was good and then the curtain opened.
from the get go i was impressed – with the cinematography, the mood, and yes, even Christian Bale. and as rich said, he was born to play Batman.
the first hour was just great cinema. after bruce became batman i had a few issues.
the biggest of course were the unnecessary romance scenes. i hate that directors, producers and screenwriters feel it necessary to add these scenes to insure female
movie attendance. most of the females i know would prefer them to be if not completely, than most significantly, eliminated. Gotham was gorgeous in both its
heyday and its decrepitude. very creepy. oh, and speaking of creepy –
the Scarecrow. need i say more?!


there were a couple of scenes i didn’t understand. the chase that led batman to the roof of the parking garage for instance. why? if the batmobile was so agile and quick, why couldn’t he ever lose those pesky (un-supercharged) cops?? and why did katie holmes, AFTER getting the antidote see the scarecrow on horseback? and the appearance and re-appearance of that same little boy made me wonder if the powers that be weren’t thinking of a potential Robin...


well, enough from me - just go see it, because it was ever so worth it.

formula 1 fiasco

i never thought i'd say this, but i'm SO glad i didn't go to Indianapolis for the Grand Prix.
here's the thing - turns out that the drivers using Michelin tires didn't race. WHAT?!
yep, that's what i said. the president of Michelin declared the final turn (without a proposed chicane) unsafe to take on those tires after the high speed accident that ralph schumacher had on friday. all weekend long (unbeknownst to the multitude of fans) the teams were arguing with Michelin and Tony George (he owns the track) about putting up a chicane to slow down the drivers coming into that particular turn. no deal was struck and the teams on Michelins (all but 3 teams!!) drove the parade lap and then pulled into the garages. the fans were freaking out - they spent a bazillion dollars on 3 day ticket packages - not to mention plane, train, and automobile fares and accomodations as well. to see 6 cars race!! schumacher (the hated) took the win (?) while fans booed him over the finish line - even those who LIKE him apparently. i saw plenty of booing fans wearing ferrari/schumacher t-shirts.
i'm unsure of the ultimate fall-out, but you can be sure there will be some. maybe even the venue's cancellation...

20 years? but I'M only 20 (or so)

today is my son's 20th birthday
toDAY is my son's 20th birthday
today is my SON'S 20th birthday
today is my son's 20th birthday

jesus.
it's a good thing i started early, i guess, or i'd be mad old by now.

on the lighter side...

customs officials thought something was fishy when they heard flapping coming from underneath a woman's skirt. said one official "You don't see these kinds of alleged concealments every day." 51 fish, in a designer apron were being (allegedly) smuggled into australia from singapore. all of the fish were put down due to the risk posed to native fish if released - all before their species was even determined.

talk about dedication - Thomas L.'Taz' Stefanelli, employee of the year for Hungry Howie's pizza shop, was shot in the thigh during an altercation with an armed robber, then went on to deliver 4 more pizzas!

the ad says 'marriage died before husband did' an ohio woman is looking to sell her (soon to be) ex's metal casket. anyone in columbus, ohio interested, she's only asking 980 bucks...

this and that

so. the beastie boys.
james newton's law suit has been thrown out. apparently, 3 notes aren't enough to constitute copy right infringement. (thanks, christina)

i don't want to seem like a light weight, but this heat is KILLING me. no AC at home - i've got 79 fans going all at once though (hello enormous electric bill)
thankfully, the workplace is centrally air conditioned...

i need a vacation.
and i actually want to GO somewhere this time, dammit!

killer jellyfish of australia. these guys aren't the passive, floating, non-threatening types we've all heard of. NO. these dangerous things will hunt you down -at 2 knots per hour, and kill you in one, that's 1, minute flat!!


i want this to be my next ride... well, a girl can dream, right?


also, i'm surprised that no one commented on the masturbation article i linked to the other day.
my poems and ramblings, i understand, but a whole article on masturbation? huh

you can drink and get stupid in scotland, but not get high and get stupid, i guess

too stoned to study in scotland
According to the most recent statistics, nearly 400 under-16s in Scotland were officially classified as drug addicts - nearly double the figure of 1999. The Headteachers' (no, i did NOT make that up!) Association of Scotland (HAS) has also warned of a growing "cannabis epidemic" in the nation's schools and has voiced its
unhappiness with the government's decision to downgrade cannabis from a class B to a class C drug

mike 'just fighting to pay the bills' tyson says he's retiring at age 39, after an embarrassing tko loss to kevin mcbride. mikey says 'he's not an animal anymore and that he does not want to disgrace the sport.' no irony whatsoever in his words or their meaning.
now THAT is some funny stuff right there!

qualifying took place yesterday afternoon in montreal for the canadian grand prix - and I should BE there, but that's a whole 'nother topic of discussion better left un-discussed. anyhow, surprisingly enough, jensen button, racing for BAR, took pole position away from both fernando alonso and the hated (in my case, anyway) michael schumacher. the track is on Île Notre Dame, right on the St Laurence river, one of the prettiest places ever.
*big sigh* oh well, there's always next year...


late edit...
alonso threw away the lead (and the points) early in the race
giving kimi raikkonen the 10 points he needed to close the gap
between them for the championship. next stop on the F1 schedule: indianapolis

insert witty title here

there's nothing much to tell
i made fried chicken
i finished one of my books
oh, and i have writer's block

again.

**************************

I am the human unraveling thing
I peel layers and cast them off like some kind of animal act
It’s ugly
The human navel orange
I like things that are ugly
They tell me everything
An addiction to truth will leave you in a pile on the floor
Make you sick of yourself
Rip yourself apart
Walk until it falls away
Seek darkness until you see blinding light
Know that there are too many cowards in the world
They speak the loudest

this is just a snippet of a henry rollins
diatribe - which just happens to correspond
to the way i'm feeling at the present time
take it for what it is...

****************************************************

ok - i found some stuff that should be mentioned:

the first is an exhibition at Cook Fine Art:
women by women in photography
it's an exhibition that features women from the late 19th century to the present, including Tina Modotti, Francesca Woodman, Cindy Sherman, and Mary Ellen Mark. Mary Ellen Mark is one of my all time favorite photographers - her series on runaway children in Seattle was made into a film called StreetWise. she's spent a lot of time in India and her portrayl of the brothels, and of all things, the circuses, are among my favorite photos. go see them all.

and this was in the paper yesterday -
at the paramont theater, in peekskill, (yes, that's in NY)
they're hosting a 4 day hip-hop symposium which includes film screenings, a photo exhibit (martha cooper's fantastic pictures from her book The Hip Hop Files), a panel discussion called “Hip-Hop Arts & Activism: What's the Connection?” and Will Power will be performing his one-man show (which debuted in NYC in 2003) called 'Flow'.
here's the link to the theater: paramount center

read this article - it's about masturbation
get underground dot com

oh, and speaking of masturbation,
i read today that Viagra can cause blindness in some cases.
does that constitute irony?


ok, that's it for me. (really)
goodnight.

one day the news will be all good, but not today

so take a guess at how big our deficit is now - go on, guess
whelp, if you guessed 666 billion dollars
(does that number seem...familiar to anyone?) you'd be correct.
and we've borrowed money from EVERYbody - china, russia, and india.
INDIA! read this:
it's all take, take, take with U.S.

the continuing 'evaluation' of the genocide (no debate needed,IMO)
in darfur. only the women go out into dangerous wooded areas to
collect firewood now because the men who have gone out in the past have
been killed. why do the women go? because they 'only' get raped,
not killed...
policy of rape and this one from the scotsman online paper
at least SOMEone's investigating this

i haven't read anything other than this on the subject of a vaccine for
marburg and ebola - it's been 100% effective with monkeys and that surely
bodes well for people. i remember reading the hot zone and it keeping me up
way into the early hours - scary shit right there.
this is from the new york times:
ebola vaccine

0 to 60 in 2 seconds and i didn't even have my coffee!

ok. so. this really made me angry and i'm not sure
if it's a worthy enough reason to be this pissed off,
OR if maybe, perhaps, i'm wound a little too tightly today
but whichever, here goes:
i was standing in line at dunkin donuts earlier and since
we weren't moving very quickly, i looked at the guy
in front of me and noticed that he was wearing a t-shirt
that said 'heroes are made in america' i can't exactly explain
WHY this made me irrationally upset - almost to the point of
spinning him around and shaking some sense into him, but i
rather prudently restrained myself, got my iced coffee and
got the hell out of there. do people really believe that shit?
are they such zealot 'patriots' that they think america is the
only place that exists? i mean, i understand the definition of
ethnocentricity, but this just takes it waaaay too far, i think.

also, i read this article on the 'new' way
we're going to be fighting the war on drugs
just say no
someone's (finally?) come to the conclusion that instead of
busting the nickel and dimers, they should go straight to the
source - is this a new revelation?


and i read this in the ny times today -
only 78,000 jobs added
the article went on to say that unemployment was down to it's
lowest percentage since 9/2001. what it failed to mention was the reason
this was the case. and that would be that most people who have been on
unemployment for the last 6 months or so have used all the extensions
afforded to them and are now SOL.

let's see what's in the news

A rabidly conservative site has put together a top ten list
of the most harmful books of the last two centuries.
Not surprising, reading it makes for some entertainment. Not only do they go out of their way to pick every influential book that they have never read, they often completely screw up the descriptions and even titles of the books.


file under 'hilarious headlines'
Turner: CNN Focuses Too Much on Perverts

ted turner says:

"I would like to see us to return to a little more international coverage on the domestic feed and a little more environmental coverage, and, maybe, maybe a little less of the pervert of the day. I mean, there's a lot of perversion around, I know that, but is it really news? I mean, some of it is. I guess you've got to cover Michael Jackson, but not three stories about perversion at the lead of every half-hour."


from spiegel:
Russia's President Putinocchio
watch his nose grow

*************************************************************************


Emmett Till - body exhumed yesterday


and go outside and look at some art for a change, will ya?

a few quick things

1) this is a link to a new york post article that features
comments contributed by oscar bermeo
and bonafide rojas
they're featuring at today's BX1 - bronx artist festival
check it out here:
BX1

2) thanks joey (from Straight Bangin' ) for the link - check his stuff
out - he covers it all - music, news, sports - you name it AND it's
all smart and well written - funny too...

wait for it...!

Sally is driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally."What's in the bag?" asked the old woman.Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said…
"Good trade."

danica, who??

ok. the indy 500. here we go.

the only reason that danica patrick is getting all this attention is because she is a woman, and women in racing is a rare occurance. have you heard anything about roger yasukawa, or tony kanaan at all? no, nothing. it's a man's sport, and YES, i consider it a sport - these guys are in top physical condition because, believe it or not, it takes a lot out of you to drive in the heat, with a fire-proof driving suit on, plus a full-faced helmet, for 3 plus hours. endurance running is considered a sport, is it not? very similar, i think. and there's more to it, especially in Formula 1, where the circuits are mostly street courses (through monte carlo for one) and designed tracks that sometimes take the driver through the woods (at spa, in belgium for instance.) there's the physics of drafting, as joey rightly pointed out, and the fuel/tire strategy as well as driver ability - the when to pass - inside, outside, which lap - all of these things, if you're into it, make for an interesting 2 hours. if not, that's ok - i've been known to watch a little baseball or basketball - even...hockey on occassion. and i did mention golf as the ultimate (to me) anti-sport (on another blog) guys in loud, clashing colored clothing, walking around (slowly, i might add) hitting a tiny ball every so often - i dunno, seems a tad more...sedate than driving 140 miles an hour with 20 or so other people doing the same right next to you. maybe it's just me though.

ok. enough. here's a little bit about danica, just because...
she started off in the toyota atlantic series, where she grabbed pole position for the race at portland - something no other woman had done. she also finished EVERY lap during the season - no easy feat there - male OR female. she finished 3rd overall for the season.
i'm not a huge IRL fan, but i will tune in (mind you not for the whole race - that shit's looong) to see if she makes it past lap 50.

alright, i'm out

late edit - after leading for a while, fuel conservation caused
her to slip back, to finish in (a very respectable) fourth place

sometimes insomnia isn't such a bad thing

being awake when others are sleeping has its rewards...
early this AM (around 4 to be precise) i happened upon
a box in a box
since i'm trying to be more organized, i figured i'd go through both
and hopefully purge some more of my cluttered past
the first box was indeed filled with purge-able flotsam & jetsom
that neither impacted, nor altered my present course, so
into the round file it all went...
oh, but the second box... what treasure - what i thought was just
junky old photos, turned out to be
MY WEDDING pictures!
the (very) short-lived union between the lopez-baron clan and me
(since no one from my family would come, having tossed me out when
the word 'pregnant' popped up...)
taken by the ex's uncle raymond - i'm not sure what the spanish equivalent
of oy vey is, but you get the idea... not the sharpest eye
here is a link to them:

wedding-1977

man, was i young! and that hair... well, things sure have changed since

kingdom of heaven

so i went to see Kingdom of Heaven today
even AFTER reading all the negative reviews because
1) orlando bloom looks good with facial hair (REALLY good)
2) ridley scott, though extraordinarily predictable,
makes big movies look beautiful
3) i love going to this particular theater because it has,
not only balcony boxes, and a curtain, but a man that
sits in one of said balconies in front of a giant Wurlitzer organ
and PLAYS that shit! LOUD. it's an awesome sight to behold
4) tickets are matinee prices until 3pm, so yay for 6 bucks!
5) bagel train. for those in the know (and i KNOW) they have
THE best (no contest) bacon, egg, and cheese sandwiches
that i have ever had - AND they make them all day...
and last, but certainly not least
6) good movie-going company

ok, so the movie wasn't that good
the plot was predictable and
hard to follow all at once, i cared about
none of the characters (not even orlando bloom's, really)
and it had a terrible ending
oh well, i can think of worse ways to spend a few hours
and a few dollars, so you'll hear no bitching from me

on the other hand,
tomorrow is monday and that bites
but i guess if every day was sunday
then sunday wouldn't be so sweet

tom waits=my kind of poetry

Emotional Weather Report


late night and early morning low clouds
with a chance of fog
chance of showers into the afternoon
with variable high cloudiness and gusty winds, gusty winds
at times around the corner of Sunset and Alvorado
things are tough all over
when the thunder storms start increasing over the southeast
and south central portions of my apartment, I get upset
and a line of thunderstorms was
developing in the early morning
ahead of a slow moving cold front
cold blooded with tornado watches issued shortly
before noon Sunday, for the areas including the western region
of my mental health and the northern portions of my
ability to deal rationally with my disconcerted precarious
emotional situation. it's cold out there,
colder than a ticket takers smile at the Ivar Theatre
on a Saturday night
flash flood watches covered the southern portion of my disposition
there was no severe weather well into the afternoon,
except for a lone gust of wind in the bedroom
in a high pressure zone, covering the eastern portion
of a small suburban community with a 103
and millibar high pressure zone
and a weak pressure ridge extending from my eyes
down to my cheeks cause since you left me baby
and put the vice grips on my mental health, well
the extended outlook for an indefinite period of time
until you come back to me baby is:
high tonight, low tomorrow,
and precipitation is expected

the fellini of nightmare scenes

falling asleep around 4
and being jolted out of bed at 6:15
by the weirdest (and scariest yet)
montage of nightmares is NOT
the way to start the day

my brain is slowly turning into oatmeal, people
i must remedy this situation ASAP

so, to that end, i think i shall take some courses
at the New School...
an impromptu speaking course so i can learn the art
of thinking on my feet and speaking in front of a group...
(MAYbe - it gives me the shivers just thinking about it!)
and perhaps a course on nabokov - why not?
and then there's a poetry workshop given by a
professor geoffrey nutter - how can i pass THAT one up, i ask you?!

sebastião salgado's genesis project

i think he is one of THE most extraordinary photographers out there.
this is part of his mission statement for his ongoing Genesis Project.
i am including a link to some of his photos...
click


"The modern notion that humanity and nature are somehow separate is absurd. Our relationship with nature - with ourselves - has broken down. As the most developed species, humanity may have a special, often dominant, relationship with nature, but it is no less part of nature. Indeed, we cannot survive outside it. And yet accelerated urbanisation over the past century has distanced humanity from the very animal and plant sources of life itself. We are living in disharmony with the elements that comprise the universe, as if we too were not similarly formed, as if we were purely rational beings. We are disregarding the spiritual and instinctive qualities that until now have ensured our survival. We assume grave risks when we distance ourselves from our natural roots, roots which in the past always made us feel part of the whole.

I conceive this project as a potential path towards humanity's rediscovery of itself in nature. I have named it Genesis because, as far as possible, I want to return to the beginnings of our planet: to the air, water and fire that gave birth to life; to the animal species that have resisted domestication and are still "wild"; to the remote tribes whose "primitive" way of life is largely untouched; and to surviving examples of the earliest forms of human settlement and organisation. This voyage represents a form of planetary anthropology. Yet it is also designed to propose that this uncontaminated world must be preserved and, where possible, be expanded so that development is not automatically commensurate with destruction.

My photographs will be divided in four chapters.
But since this will be a journey of exploration and discovery, I have a better idea of where I will look than what I will find."

Rich's fabulous questions and my mediocre answers

1) Where is home for you?

hmm, it’s funny (but not surprising) that you would ask that of me.
i used to think that the physicality of the place i lived in was home.
you know, where you put your stuff and where things were familiar, but all that changed not too long ago, and i’m only now discovering that as long as i have
my children around me (not on TOP of me, mind you!!) i am home.
the address ain’t no thing. the other bits – the familiarity, the routine, the... stuff, i guess, doesn’t nearly matter so much. you yourself make the difference, after all. (you knew the answer all along, dorothy, now click your heels
and repeat after me - there's no place like home, there's...)

ALSO, it doesn’t hurt to have your whole music collection in one place! (finally)

2) Who are the writers that you absolutely positively cannot stop reading?

i’ve been reading SO much lately, it’s hard to pick, but i keep coming back to:
Christopher Moore (he makes me laugh – especially in Lamb,
the Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal)
Kent Haruf, whose simple (seeming) austere novels
(they all take place in a small town in colorado) are just poetry to read.
Isabelle Allende, whose stories are not only captivating, but magical as well and
Edward Rivera, Piri Thomas, Victor Hernandez Cruz, and Cristina Garcia and
also most of the writers in Boricuas;
an anthology of Puerto Rican writers edited by Roberto Santiago.

3) Tell us about God – does he exist? If so, how do you know? If not, why not? And does He watch Def Poetry?

why you gotta axe me the hard ones, yo? jeez... or, erm, sheesh (!)

OK. God. right.
no, i don’t think i believe in god, per se – i’ve never been a big fan
of organized religion – the bible was a good story, but jesus never saw it –
or filled any of the missing pieces in for that matter... a buncha guys got together
and wrote stuff down that people take WAAAAY too literally these days.
anyway, if there was a god, and he was anything like what was written about him,
i don’t think that he would be able to stand by and let things turn to shit like they have. maybe that’s too simplistic a thought, but then again, maybe that’s what’s needed.
too many people are getting hurt, through no fault of their own, i might add
and they could use a little god-like intervention right about now.
also, to knock some people down off their high-horses - you know the ones i mean...
(who take his name in vain to boot – if ya believe, that is)
i’d like the world to be less dangerous - again, maybe too simplistic,
but i think we should all step lightly on this earth, and try and leave our
mark in a less...invasive way...
but i guess over the years, i’ve come to believe in myself, and the old adage
that if you try and live right, and be the best person you can, good
things will happen in your wake – touching all the people you touch.
oh, and the def poetry thing – if He does exist, sorry for being
sceptical first of all (no harm, no foul, right?) second, he must have a perverse
sense of humor - think duck-billed platypus and tammy fay baker, plus
if he watched past the 3rd season, he may be kind of a masochist –
dontcha think?? just kidding?!

4) Describe your greatest fear as a house.

okaaay. odd question, but i’m game –
i suppose it would have to be being empty –
devoid of all life, love, noise, music.
nothing scarier (and sadder) than an empty, echo-y house.

5) If love is a dog, which trick does he do best?

pfffffft – that’s an easy one (in my case, anyway):
roll over, and play dead, of course!!

say what?!

so i'm busy doing the nanny thing today
and me & the kid (naya) turn on PBS to
watch mr. rogers, which had already started
just as the picture comes into focus, i see
mr. rogers talking to a young boy, around 12,
who is carrying a large piece of cardboard
and a boom box - and he starts teaching mr. rogers
how to breakdance - i shit you not!
mr. rogers is doing the wave and
YES, ladies and gentlemen,
he is MOONWALKING!!
i started drooling -
that's how long my mouth was open for...

surreal moment #628979

can't say enough about

SIN CITY!

loved loved loved it
the cast - well, i'm NOT a huge
mickey rourke fan - but holy shit
was he fanfriggintastic

and a barely recognizable
benicio del toro... no words
bruce willis was, well... bruce willis
and that was good
and elijah wood - spooky as hell
(and SO far from frodo :))

so robert rodriguez and frank miller are geniuses
i really felt transported into
the comic as i never have been before
when these comics (batman, hellboy, constantine, etc)
are made into films

AND i saw it in an actual theater
with balconies and a curtain
how awesome is that?
(rhetorical question)

lesson learned...

there's nothing like waking up after actually sleeping for a few hours to the sound of an insistent ringing. without glancing at the number (i know, i know), i press talk and hear this: good morning madam (!) i'm hoping you're interested in saving some money today! i say who the hell is this? he says why it's you're favorite local pet store. i say i haven't got a favorite local pet store so no thanks. don't you want to hear what you can save, he says? i say don't you want to know if i have a pet? then all he heard was a dial tone. what nerve! telemarketers should have to leave you alone on sundays. there's this thing that you can buy that picks up the phone for you if it's one of those numbers and says something curt like this person isn't interested in what you have to offer so piss off. well, maybe i made the piss off part up, but you can really get that phone thingy. now i have to find something to do to make my general mood improve because i am not going to let that guy ruin an otherwise potentially pleasant day
(even if it is raining the rain of the end times.)
hmm, maybe i’ll go see Sin City.
that ought to do it. so there.

the defection of the soul, nauseously quick

as far as the eye takes you
all there is to see are millions of shiny, sharp rocks
some make you stumble and misstep while others
seem to assist you in your driving quest forward

always forward. to go back is to die

to go back is to negate your progress and render you
new and slick with afterbirth.
keep moving, for if you stop you will
grow moldy and unrecognizable
then all you had will disappear like an aging magician performing a stale trick
sometimes it goes slowly, you barely notice the layers of yourself falling away
until there is dust in a small pile where once you stood -
other times it is immediate.
you were, then you were no longer.
people would say “ wasn’t that ------?”
but no one would remember.
we all need purpose, direction
a reason to be
you can go on for just so long
aimlessly floundering about
before you stop doing the doggie paddle
and your arms remain still
and you are unwilling or unable
to repeat the process once more
someone once told me that things always look better in the morning
i never believed that
things look the clearest in the dead of night
you see things as they truly are - naked, sometimes ugly and revealed
there are no lies in the middle of the night
come morning is when the lies begin
getting out of bed and trying to think up a reason to go out and sell yourself for a job
you say another day another dollar but that’s emotional suicide
you wear yourself down that way
then comes the need to justify where and who you are
more lies
it doesn’t stop until it is so dark you can barely see
your own hand in front of your face
then and only then can you be truthful enough with yourself and
about yourself
to try and make sense out of what you are doing
and be a participant in your life or
it will be nearly over and all you will be able to say is
i wish i had

guilderland rest stop

truck stops have a certain magic all to themselves
it’s sort of like being in a really familiar, but foreign country
truck driving language is a cross between a verbal ballet and break dancing
for the most part, truckers are pretty ordinary looking,
on the flabby side with big sideburns
they swear loudly and show far too much excess luggage on the
lower parts of their bodies, but they always smell pretty good.
they sure can pack away the (fake) pork products though
i could swear i saw hundreds of arteries clogging in unison

marjorie says that running from things is not a good idea, but sorting things out is
but what if you drive to sort things out, i asked. when i come back,
i say my piece and i’m done
i don’t bury my feelings in a ditch on the side of the road in the back of beyond...

i wonder how many hot chocolates i can drink before i have to pee - this is number 3.
there are new faces at the counter and the waitress is tired and cranky
she wishes she were almost anywhere else, but smiles – genuinely
when one of the truckers says something nice to her
she wants to ask me a question but doesn’t want to invade my silence
her curiosity will get the better of her soon, i think

32 miles south of lake george is a little town called northville.
my grandfather built a cabin on a hill over-looking the Great Sacandaga lake
last year my drunken mother sold the cabin for a Crown Royal
to who knows who – have i told you this before? i can’t remember.
but i found my way down the twisty driveway that’s half asphalt, half dirt
and passed over a wooden bridge that put me right in front of the house
that jack built. his real name was jacob, but no one called him that
i left my high beams on and walked around the over-grown grounds.
i could hear the water at the bottom of the hill and the air was singing it’s natural symphony.
i even heard the bullfrogs croaking a hoarse, off-key duet. down to the lake and i could hear fish popping up through the skin of water to either breathe or feed on some lingering insects skimming the surface.
i wondered about the snapping turtles that had always lived by the beach.
they’d be almost as old as me by now.
it was so peaceful that i didn’t want to leave, but i finally made my way back up the drive and onto
the Thruway, and here i am at the Guilderland Rest Stop.

the waitress, annie, finally got around to asking me what my story was. i told her i had no story.
she said honey, everyone has one. so i said that i was between one place and another. she looked disappointed, then disbelieving, so i added quickly – i lost my best friend. she nodded and patted my shoulder.
sorry, she said. was it quick? i said no, that it had dragged on for a few months and finally it was real. she said you poor thing. i said no, not really, we can still visit one another. just not like it had been.
she nodded her head and said how far? i said pretty far. she nodded again and said try not to be sad
then she poured more coffee for a trucker named Al who was pulling
an all-nighter to get to memphis to see elvis. again.


i’m trying not to be sad,
really i am

three things...

three things i am wearing right now
1. fuzzy socks
2. ferrari t-shirt
3. 4 silver rings

three things on my desk
1. batteries
2. a mug of hot cider
3. a picture of my friend steve

three things i want to do before i die
1. sail to easter island
2. learn to scratch
3. live in scotland for a year

three ways to describe my personality
1. curious
2. sarcastic
3. independent

three bad things about my personality
1. i overthink EVERYthing
2. a little too cynical
3. people say i can be intimidating

three places i want to go before i die
1. easter island
2. guatemala
3. new zealand

three nicknames i have
1. miss direction
2. shasta
3. moonflower

three screen names i have had
1. celandyne
2. aneira
3. herefishyfishy

three people i miss most
1. steve 1960 – 1988
2. wendy feldhuhn
3. my grandpa max

3. three websites people may not know about
1. www.gnn.com
2 www.factcheck.org
3. www.chihuly.com

three visual artists i like
1. sebastião salgado
2. jacob riis
3. odilon redon

three books i like
1. in the country of last things
2. love in the time of cholera
3. the history of luminous motion

three people (living or dead) to invite to my ultimate dinner party
1. octavio paz
2. tom waits
3. alexander rodchenko

currently relying on automatic transmission
and power steering
to stay on the road

and the tea kettle whistles like a one way train

persephone's return

i am
winter’s daughter
eaten by cumbrous grey clouds
smeared across frozen sunsets
then surreptitiously spat out
with pinpoint precision
to negotiate spring’s ransom

can journals ever be TOO public?

public journal - isn't that an oxymoron?
like fresh frozen or military intelligence?
it seems like my brain is on auto pilot and
forgot the code to land or something. a friend -
no, rather an ex-friend - had been writing a journal
for years and when he asked me if i wanted to read it
i was surprised, but i did. i almost laughed out loud
(but that wouldn't have been friendly)
because it was obvious that he was writing so that one day
when he was dead his family could publish more of his stuff even though he's dead. like...oh...oh... damn...hemingway! that’s it! his son found some of his unpublished stuff and then finished it, yes FINISHED it for him and published it.
how presumptuous. and the worst part was - it sucked.
there was a reason ernie held back with that one.
he knew it would tank. and he was right

damn greedy families.
(family theme re-visited)

pablo neruda - integrations

After everything, I will love you
as if it were always before,
as if after so much waiting,
not seeing you and you not coming,
you were breathing
close to me forever.

Close to me with your habits
with your color and your guitar
just as countries unite
in schoolroom lectures
and two regions become blurred
and there is a river near a river
and two volcanoes grow together.

Close to you is close to me
and your absence is far from everything
and the moon is the color of clay
in the night of quaking earth
when, in terror of the earth,
all the roots join together
and silence is heard ringing
with the music of fright.

Fear is also a street
and among it's terrifying stones
tenderness somehow is able to march
with four feet and four lips.
Since, without leaving the present
that is a fragile ring,
we touch the sand of yesterday
and on the sea, love reveals
a repeated fury.

jurutungo

i found myself at the bottom of a hole
it was raining and i had no hat
the rain mingled with tears of frustration
making the water running down my face taste sweet and salty
i looked up out of the hole and i could see birds flying in pairs
they did not seem to mind the rain
trying to find a way out of the hole i stumbled over a large rock
at first i thought it would only hamper my escape
later i would see my error
shouting for help occurred to me but
i could not bear the sound of my own plaintive cries
i needed a way out. minutes passed then an hour
it dawned on me finally that i should use what i had to get out
the rock
so my error was not only the obvious misjudging
of a temporary situation
but was a direct reflection of the way i think
flawed, dismissive
using the rock for leverage, i clawed at the wet earth,
and with dirt on my face, emerged from the hole
the only positive i got out of this experience
aside from getting out at all,
was the knowledge that eventually
i can see what is right in front of me

an ill-advised chapter

hips twitching
to the fine-grained beats
of sand
smacking the bottom
of my plastic hourglass
singing of time wearing thin
these melting masks of 4am meaning

and belonging
is a state of mind that resides
on the left coast
of my once lush hemisphere

where signs of please,
walk on the grass
were prominent and inviting
have now become
coney island run down
and faded
jaded by filler years of abscess
and duress, not success
or love

once millions of colors, now
only 18 bits
and pieces of the collage left over;
when placed on top of one another
make up my very own
flip book –
with a cheesy plot
and no dialogue;
gasoline highs
and
$200 a day habit lows

meandering through ill
advised chapter
(after chapter); falling
for every novel device
ever put to the page
just waiting, waiting
for a brilliant way
to end it all

what remains is?

everybody needs something
from me
and afterwards
there is nothing left
of me

a little after the fact, but SO WHAT

my daughter gave me this wonderful gift...


mama,

as both daughter and friend
(and lucky for that)
this birthday i see you:
glowing at 45;
alive
and sometimes hurting, treading;
sometimes laughing;
smaller in your clothes;
still learning voraciously
and always as the woman i'd
choose
as mother and friend
at 45...57...72...96...

the two-step

a zephyr gaze drifts
creasing a hazy stare
the subway's daybreak frames
depth in perpetual beauty
step - step

fidgeting thoughts sharpen
a solitary breath’s crusade
soul streaking sounds
drench the floor
step - step

word's radiant glare
introduces a thought
i hum a few tunes but the wind's
lullaby is more favorable to mine
step - step

pacing in my mind's perspective
i paint a mural's tear
perfect moments intertwine
so glad to be walking away

with you

step – step

goodies in the mail

i got a (2 day) early
birthday package from
a friend in bar harbor
and in it was lots of
Panda strawberry and raspberry
licorice bars and
the Maine version of Crispix cereal
called Crispy Hexagons
hilarious, right?

AND
the BEST bit?

No Quarter (Unledded)
on DVD

and while presents are good
(REALLY good)
they don't take the sting out of
turning 40 effin 5
even though ERik says
45 is the new 30...

27

melissa's birthday dinner
was a quiet affair

there were presents
and cards
and cheesecake

she is a beautiful girl
(woman)

been thinking a lot about
the past these last few days
the good - and not so good
it all comes back so fresh
like it was last week and not
20 some years ago
we've come so far from those times

and now she's grown and making
her own way
piecing her own mosaic together
and i can stand off to the side
and watch
wide eyed with wonder
that she is the very same
tiny, dark haired, dark eyed girl
who went everywhere with me
and even looked at me
with wide eyed wonder

happy birthday, baby
27 is the ticket

incubus

in the graveyard of discordance
nightmares align themselves intuitively
with silent camouflaged warnings
which can be seen only
when the moon is a quarter
in a 3AM sky -
they come out and dance then;
a death knell dance
on his weary back
and he falls to one knee
collapsing from the weight of them
grazing the sharpness
of the dream’s surface
as he wakes spent, bloody

wait, what?

no, you are not imagining things
there was another post
but now it's gone
i left it there
for as long as i needed
i am feeling
not nearly so...acidic
today
and that is a good thing

this time

(not so)
cautiously looking toward tomorrow
realizing finally that
i am not an island
nor do i wish to be
(any longer)

selfish though – want it on my terms
(this time)
not fully cured...yet
still hope for me

even if my heart cracks
and i have to buy stock in kleenex
i won’t have a sour grapefruit face
and i won’t let my heart shrivel
into something pea sized and unrecognizable
because i can’t have it
(this time)

not only am i reaching out for
what i want
i’m not going to be shy
about putting it out there either
where has keeping it to myself
gotten me in the past
i ask you?

so lookout
you may get more
than you’ve bargained for

then again, maybe not

snowblind (with actual snow, that is)

i haven't seen this much snow
in a long long time
it started about noon
and hasn't stopped yet
2 inches every hour or thereabouts
the reality of a foot and a half of
the stuff is more than i care to think about

plows haven't even come around yet
don't know what the hell they're waiting for
neighbors keep shoveling
like that will slow it down

and yesterday when i went to the store
all the milk was sold
(i didn't need any)
as was all the beer
(which i don't drink)
so i bought stuff to make chili
and banana bread
so at least it was warm
in the kitchen

it's all relative

quickly
pour fast drying cement over my eyes
so i can try
to block out our shared features
please
bathe my sullied heart in ether
so that i can go on
pretending
that it doesn’t hurt
as you contaminate my confidence
with your disease
designed to suspend logic
while corrupting the Truth -
my thick, wet screams
can’t penetrate
your blood blistered, rough palms -
to struggle against your solid will
leaves me addled and tattered,
but you pin me (again)
firmly
beneath your onerous weight,
your eyes squeezed tightly shut
with all the exertion it takes
to maintain your masquerade
as Paterfamilias

meh

so i woke up sick today
fuzzy, scratchy throat
glands the size of wyoming
and a sneezy, stuffy nose

but the one good thing is
that i now have THE best
1-900 phone sex voice
EVER!!

ahahaha

my head hurt so much that i fell asleep last night
and hallucinated the following:
high above the ground nowhere around here, i was flying
when i spotted something small and squiggly on the ground
i guess i had pretty good eyesight because the thing i spied was a vole
(not to be confused with a mole, the vole is smaller and blinder)
so anyway, he or she was gesturing to me
with the universal signal to land
(small waving of arms and pointing)
so i obliged and the vole said this to me:
hey stupid, i was talking to the crow behind you
you’re not even a bird
i was insulted and tried giving the vole the finger -
but i noticed that i didn't have any
i woke up checking my hands for fingers

sheesh.

had a late dinner with melissa and her boyfriend mike
at a fondue place called The Melting Pot
we all ate enough for 10 people i think
i must have put on 37 pounds (at least)

cheese first, then main course - meat and seafood
and then CHOCOLATE
with strawberries and bananas
and cheese cake

found a cool used record store too
and YES, i said records - although they
have CD's as well
the 2 owners - aging hippes (of course)
spinning pink floyd and king crimson records
and the sound was just
SO
good

it was cold cold cold
walking around
but it felt good to be
out and about

i am full
and sleepy

sugar the pill

my falling words
have been calculating infinities
in the last remaining light;
while eating bullets of acceptance
with porcelain heart promises

sometimes i still feel the bruises
so i will keep all bad things from you
i still carry you around, you see
so let the tears fall, baby
a thousand kisses deep

nomadic revelry:
a faint moment of good fortune
the moon is in the gutter
as i sway in the thin cool breeze
bloody, but unbowed

broken by the whispers
of your dyslexic heart;
staring down the barrel of limited options
there are (at least) 21 reasons why you
can’t put your arms around a memory

i was buried alive in the blues
up the hill backwards
forever is tomorrow, is today, is now
and the dawn brings only smoke
for the widow of a living man

under the surface

you're gonna make me lonesome when you go
(so i) went to see the gypsy
never gonna be the same again

the triumph of our tired eyes
grief is not quantifiable
her despair reeks of alcohol

(you are a) shadow on the sun
(and) i am the highway
spread your love

something so wild
under the surface
sundazed to the core

satisfy my soul
(with) tones of home
(and your) new york serenade

a big fuck you to...

everyone

don't ask.

quaker license?!

the wedding of my ex went pretty well
but one thing was pretty funky and that
was that no one officiated at the ceremony -
in PA, you can get what's known as a Quaker's license
(for a little extra $) and all you need to do is exchange
vows and wah-la, you're married!
so that was a bit weird
and everyone (not me though) was crying their eyes out
(which i don't understand at all) and then there was
the toast and several speeches and plenty singing
then cake
then i was up outta there

2 hours each way...
the only thing that saved us from falling asleep
(jersey turnpike and penn pike = mind numbingly boring)
was belting out the lyrics to all the beastie boys
songs that we know but only 2 out of the 3 of us can sing
so i'll let you figure out who sucked...

nice weather though
(because we broke the sky
and some higher being is real
pissed at us these days i think)

so...yeah...
happy new year and all that nonsense

too tired to sleep?

i've always had problems sleeping
but these last few years have grown worse
and my dreams have started again.
i thought i had put certain things to rest,
but they've snuck into my dreams and
it's like the years never went by at all it's so fresh.
i had the dream about steve again -
it's been years since i went to his parents house
and looked in the drawer knowing i would find
the sparkly purple rock just like he said i would -
but i had the whole dream - even the worst bits -
maybe there's something going on that i don't understand yet
and i just have to wait and see - but i'm so tired
and all i want is
to sleep 3 hours in a row -
is that asking too much?

low tide

time slipped from her slim wrist
as she lay drowning
on dry land
while corpulent clouds of acquiescence hovered
like a velvety blue blanket of exhaled smoke
to smother her protestations
long before she tried opening her mouth.

she had a gift for silence
it seemed to ebb right out of her

snapple cap 411

i thought i had it bad:
a seal only sleeps
for a minute and a half
at a time

one shot

see what happens
when you don't let
the gates down?
one shot
even though
(you said)
not so
i knew it would be
so the rest seemed
to follow my
natural pattern
of parry and
thrust -
not the good kind
(and in the opposite direction anyway)
so here i sit
hoarding my regret
but you knew all along
(for one day)
that there was
nothing to fear
nothing to doubt

deeply rooted

i can't eat or sleep
or think or talk
this steady loop of white noise
roars inside my head

decisions to be made
forms to fill out

i pray the words will come
and that they'll be the right ones